It’s important to make sure young people learn not only the correct facts about sexuality, but also how to make healthy and safer decisions about sex. Research shows that parents who talk openly about sexuality to their children have more influence over their child’s sexual behaviors as they grow.
1) Get comfortable with yourself and with the facts
Everyone’s comfort level is different when it comes to discussing sexual health issues. It’s okay for us to acknowledge that it’s awkward to talk about sex, as long as we also own up to the fact that we pass along our discomfort. The more you can get comfortable yourself, the easier it will go, and the more comfortable your child will feel coming to you. Remember also that sex and sexuality include a wide range of issues. It is ok to only cover some issues yourself and rely on other trusted adults in your community, including professionals, to cover those issues beyond your comfort level.
2) Start talking early and keep the conversation going
We need to begin talking with our children early and keep the conversation ongoing. Even young children need to learn about self-respect, appropriate touch, and regard for others’ feelings and limits. When these topics feel like an important part of the values you routinely discuss, it will be much easier to discuss them as your children enter puberty and sexual feelings emerge.
3) Make it about values
There are a lot of places your tween or teen can learn about the mechanics of sex, or the details of puberty and development. These include health class, books, and the internet. You need to be sure they learn the values around healthy sexuality from you. If you and other caring adults don’t address these topics they’ll absorb their values from the internet, television and music. They’ll also learn from their friends – and those values may be good, but they won’t be seasoned with life experience.
Listen to what your tweens and teens have to say about sexuality. The more they confide in us, the more we’ll be able to guide them towards developmentally appropriate solutions regarding sex.
4) Make it about mutual respect, and include discussions about safety
We know that adolescents value their parents’ guidance, and that parental wisdom is critical to preparing young people for a successful future. We also know that teens reject parental input when they think it strays into their personal business, whereas they value it when it prepares them to safely and wisely navigate the world. This knowledge is critical in helping us shape our conversations about sex and sexuality – which undoubtedly can feel very, very personal. So . . . if you talk about specific relationships you’re likely getting too personal. Similarly, if you ask about your teen’s specific sexual behaviors you’re likely getting into an uncomfortable zone and may trigger a rejection.
5) Listen
Listen to what your tweens and teens have to say about sexuality. The more they confide in us, the more we’ll be able to guide them towards developmentally appropriate solutions regarding sex. Listening to our teens is key in getting them to talk to us. Sometimes less words coming from us mean more words coming from them.
Encourage them to talk. If they ask a question, ask them what they already know or have heard about the topic. Take a listening stance that’s non-judgmental. Be factual in the responses you give them as well.
6) Don’t make assumptions
Don’t assume that just because the world seems to be moving so fast, that young people know it all or have heard it all. When we assume they know too much, we deny them the basic knowledge that serves as the foundation of healthy sexuality. This means that we have to start with how our bodies function, and the understanding both of the beauty of loving relationships and the potential of manipulative or exploitative ones.
7) Use the media to create teachable moments
There is plenty of sexuality in the media these days. While that may bother us, we can actually take advantage of this. Television shows, movies, websites, books and magazines can be a springboard for educating young people about sexuality.
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8) Don’t Lecture; explain the whys
A starting point is to discuss rather than demand. Let your children know that talking with them is your way of helping them to learn to make responsible choices. When we make demands to teens, we sometimes push them towards rebellion. On the other hand, when they understand clearly that our goal is to keep them safe and moral, they appreciate both our guidance and the boundaries we set for them.
Make sure your kids understand why you’re asking them to do (or not to do) certain things when it comes to sexual behaviors. This will help your teens better understand your own values and attitudes towards sexuality and the reasons why certain behaviors will help keep them healthy.
9) Paint sexuality as a healthy, beautiful part of being human
Too often, when we talk with our tweens and teens about sex, we only talk about the dangers and consequences of sexual behavior. But what about all the positive aspects and feelings surrounding sexuality?
You can discuss with your child the safety and emotional benefits of choosing to be abstinent, while still discussing all the normal feelings that surround a developing awareness of one’s sexuality.
10) Trust professionals
You are not alone. Your role as parent is critical, and you are certainly a valued and trusted guide for your teen. Parents are irreplaceable in discussing values and mutual respect, while professionals might more comfortably offer specific messages around self-protection.
Excerpted from “10 Strategies to Talk with Teens About Sex” from the Center for Parent & Teen Communication. Read the full post online.
Source: CPTC. | 10 Strategies to Talk with Teens About Sex, https://parentandteen.com/help-parents-talk-comfortably-about-sex | © 2025 CPTC. Retrieved February 2025.
