Pressure from parents over college choices has been on the rise over the last 20 years, and unfortunately perfectionism among kids has been rising with it, according to research published last week by the American Psychological Association.
To help your family get through college decisions in a way that minimizes the stress and maximizes students’ ability to make good decisions for themselves, experts recommended adults give these gifts to their kids.
A return to your values
The college admissions process is full of noise — from counselors, schools and other parents’ posts on social media, said John Duffy, a psychologist based in Chicago and author of Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety.
“Inevitably parents will say, I want them to be happy, I want them to be well-rounded, I want them to be good citizens,” Duffy said. Once they get past their initial impulse to keep up with their neighbors, “hardly ever do I hear them say I want them to go to the best college they can, and I want them to make the most money they could possibly make.”
A social media hiatus
Devorah Heitner, founder of Raising Digital Natives and author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World, advised that kids should never be posted about without their permission, and that during the college admission process “people should consider taking a break from social media—and their kids may want to as well—because all of these posts are stressing them out.”
Reassurance of unconditional love
The unfortunate truth is that much of the pressure around college is out of families’ hands, and parents may be eager for their children to do their best academically as opportunities appear to grow more competitive, Curran said.
But it is crucial to communicate those expectations with unconditional love and support, he added.
What kids need to hear is “it doesn’t matter the outcome … no matter what happens, you are loved,” Curran said.
The joy of learning
Instead of focusing on school rankings, Duffy suggested taking study breaks with your kids to do something you enjoy together — like watching a show that makes you all laugh. You can also teach joyful learning by example by getting your kids involved in the fun things you are working on, like cooking, music or language, Curran added.
It’s a gift that can make your academic life both more enjoyable and more successful.
Trust in your child’s choices
Instead of a marker of their success, it can help to think of higher education as the first decision your child is making as an adult, and “the more you show that you have confidence in their ability to do it and do it well, the more successful they’re going to be,” Duffy said.
They are going to have a lot of choices to make, and allowing them to feel out their own identity and showing that you trust in their intuition will empower them in the future, he said.
Know that the best fit may not be highest-ranked
What research has shown — but our ego and anxieties can obscure — is that the prestige of the college a student attends is not necessarily a direct indicator of their success in life, Heitner said. No matter what college your child attends, they “cannot have failed at life at 17,” Heitner said.
And whatever choice they make, families and students should remember there is always an opportunity to change plans or try something new, she said.
Excerpted from “A Top-Ranked College May Not Be Best for Your Kid. Give Them These Gifts Instead” from CNN. Read the full article online.
Source: CNN | A Top-Ranked College May Not Be Best for Your Kid. Give Them These Gifts Instead, https://www.cnn.com/2022/04/08/health/parenting-pressure-college-wellness/index.html | © 2022 Cable News Network
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