How to Help a Highly Emotional Child Cope With Big Feelings

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At any age, crying is a normal response to being overwhelmed by strong feelings, like anger, fear, stress, or even happiness. Some children, however, cry more than others. Those same children may get angry more often, feel frustrated faster, and get overly excited compared to their peers too.

Big emotions can make life a little bit more difficult for these kids unless they learn how to engage in emotion regulation.

Teach Emotion Regulation

Before a child reaches 24 months and sometimes even as old as 36 months, their ability to inhibit behavior is typically low.

This doesn’t mean you can’t start teaching them how to manage their emotions, though. By the time they start preschool, many kids have the skills needed to begin learning how to regulate their emotions.

Here are some helpful skills to teach your child so they can learn to manage their emotions:

Practice deep breathing. Teach your child how to breathe in slowly and quietly through their nose and then out through their mouth.
Count to calm down. Teach your child to distract themself from upsetting thoughts by counting. Counting ceiling tiles, counting to 10, or counting down from 100 are just a few mental tasks that might reduce their distress.
Take a break. Allow your child to give themself a brief time-out or ask a teacher if they can step out of the classroom for a sip of water or a minute of privacy when they need to collect themself.
Create a calm-down kit. Fill a box with items that help your child calm down (or cheer up). Coloring books and crayons, scratch-and-sniff stickers, pictures that your child enjoys, and soothing music are just a few things that can engage their senses and help them manage their emotions.
Problem-solve with your child. If your child’s emotions are causing problems for them, ask them for their input on what strategies might help. They may develop some creative solutions with your support.
Identify mood boosters. Talk to your child about the things they like to do when they feel happy, like playing outside, reading a joke book, or singing their favorite songs. Write those things down and tell them those are their “mood boosters.”

Avoid Reinforcing Outbursts

If you’re working on helping your child regulate their emotions better, it’s best to avoid:

Rewarding your child for calming down: If you offer your child a special treat every time they pull themself together, they may learn that bursting into tears or yelling at their sibling are good ways to get something they want.
Showering your child with attention: While it’s important to offer comfort, make sure you don’t overdo it. You don’t want your child to learn that getting upset is the best strategy for attracting your attention.
Calming your child down constantly: It’s helpful to offer reassurance, but it’s also important to teach your child the skills they’re going to need to calm themself down so they can handle their emotions when you’re not there to step in and help.
Telling your child to stop crying: Telling your child to stop crying might make them more upset. And if they see you getting worked up over their tears, they may think they’re doing something wrong—and that won’t make it any easier to stop crying.
Announcing that your child is sensitive: If you warn every teacher, coach, or friend’s parent that your child is sensitive, you may be sending a message that they can’t handle themselves. Only offer this information if you think it will provide some helpful insight or allow them to alter their approach when interacting with your child.

Excerpted from “How to Help a Highly Emotional Child Cope With Big Feelings” in VeryWellFamily. Read the full article online.